She just used a chaser for red wine.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
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The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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