I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
