Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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