I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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