I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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