Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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