I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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