I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
