I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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