I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
