i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
