She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
