I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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