just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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