soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
