dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
