I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i dont even know how to be here
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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