between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
