Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
