I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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