mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
