you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
