No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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