I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
