Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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