when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
