You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
only if we run a train.
done.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
