those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
