who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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