census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize