if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
