Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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