pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize