this beer tastes like vomit already
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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