alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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