He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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