did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
