here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
