My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
