I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
40s are totally the cure
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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