I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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