it hurts more in the daytime
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
