Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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