why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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