You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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