tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
handjob tips. give me some.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
