Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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