Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
