My pussy is not your playground.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
