I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
