Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
