We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
