We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
