after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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