You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
