So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
