remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No...this little piggys going to the bar
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
