Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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