He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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