Texts From Last Night

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"

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  (859): i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me" http://tfl.nu/l7cf
  Replies (130) Good night (8666) Bad night (3211)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  So my game is weak??

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.

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  (318): So my game is weak?? (501): If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes. http://tfl.nu/3tou
  Replies (10) Good night (1125) Bad night (3575)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass

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  (412): bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass http://tfl.nu/ur9n
  Replies (14) Good night (4927) Bad night (922)
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  (949): View more from California

  I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..

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  (949): I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed.. http://tfl.nu/gr14
  Replies (58) Good night (1336) Bad night (5610)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.

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  (610): Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight. http://tfl.nu/6ipq
  Replies (2) Good night (3737) Bad night (1943)
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  (408): View more from California

  Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.

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  (408): Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick. http://tfl.nu/f6ps
  Replies (8) Good night (993) Bad night (2298)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.

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  (914): I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem. http://tfl.nu/p4yj
  Replies (3) Good night (1215) Bad night (677)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina

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  (952): His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina http://tfl.nu/9a4t
  Replies (42) Good night (3414) Bad night (827)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.

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  (810): Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be. http://tfl.nu/ssx0
  Replies (5) Good night (2245) Bad night (694)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck

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  (720): Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck http://tfl.nu/51rp
  Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (1667)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?

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  (816): There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life? http://tfl.nu/cxgm
  Replies (2) Good night (807) Bad night (469)
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  (323): View more from California

  Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....

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  (323): Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner.... http://tfl.nu/erk9
  Replies (8) Good night (1714) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.

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  (803): He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple. http://tfl.nu/4atf
  Replies (2) Good night (1226) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  "DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.

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  (403): "DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT. http://tfl.nu/hmpm
  Replies (7) Good night (1113) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.

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  (386): And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying. http://tfl.nu/jvg5
  Replies (10) Good night (1550) Bad night (226)

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