with your own penis?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
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I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.