Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
