Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

  (425): View more from Washington

  There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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  (206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl
  Replies (98) Good night (2774) Bad night (24322)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

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  (770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too. http://tfl.nu/c8jr
  Replies (24) Good night (881) Bad night (4282)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.

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  (973): random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question. http://tfl.nu/ra0q
  Replies (17) Good night (6409) Bad night (1341)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?

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  (727): he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal? http://tfl.nu/v8vs
  Replies (8) Good night (3701) Bad night (1326)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you

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  (612): Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you http://tfl.nu/lizp
  Replies (7) Good night (2846) Bad night (914)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.

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  (330): it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with. http://tfl.nu/kix9
  Replies (9) Good night (1354) Bad night (703)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.

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  (419): He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer. http://tfl.nu/ld4h
  Replies (8) Good night (2008) Bad night (495)
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  (916): View more from California

  Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!

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  (916): Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker! http://tfl.nu/ia91
  Replies (0) Good night (798) Bad night (445)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.

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  (573): I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso. http://tfl.nu/7zvg
  Replies (2) Good night (864) Bad night (582)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.

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  (902): In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts. http://tfl.nu/zdfo
  Replies (3) Good night (1208) Bad night (407)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.

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  (+61): I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING. http://tfl.nu/8crd
  Replies (1) Good night (752) Bad night (408)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.

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  (405): Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month. http://tfl.nu/0lcc
  Replies (3) Good night (755) Bad night (459)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes

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  (970): I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes http://tfl.nu/f5p7
  Replies (2) Good night (489) Bad night (727)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.

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  (812): Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers. http://tfl.nu/ldne
  Replies (2) Good night (918) Bad night (435)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.

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  (416): Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused. http://tfl.nu/e1qy
  Replies (2) Good night (859) Bad night (349)

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