Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
