The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
