My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize