haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
