We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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