Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
