highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
