You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
